Stop Hiding and Hoping

“It’s a unique form of distress – to be judged not for who you are, but for the person others believe you to be.”

We all want to be seen for who we really are.
Your best friends earned that title because they know you better than anyone – the good, the bad, and everything in between. 

That’s why, when the world sees you in a way that doesn’t reflect the real you, it feels deeply unsettling. 

What do I mean?

My first child was born 6 weeks early, unexpectedly. I went back to work in the ER in March 2020, after 3 months of maternity leave, with a newborn preemie at home, who I was sure I was going to infect with Covid. She slept terribly and so did I, for 6 months. 

I was not myself. I was depressed, exhausted, and I had nothing to talk about except how depressed and exhausted I was. I don’t think I laughed in months. 

And forget the fact that my body was completely out of control in all the ways only a mom can understand. 

I remember thinking that when people saw me in that body and talked to me in that state of low energy, low confidence, and just… waiting and hoping that some day I’d get my life back… that they were not seeing me at all. 

They were seeing this broken version of me, assuming it was me – and nothing beats how awful that feels.

Ok, WHY am I being such a Debbie Downer??

I talk to women all the time who express exactly this sentiment. Their bodies changed – whether from pregnancy, peri/menopause, or just years of neglecting themselves to give more to their families – and as unexpected and unwelcome as can be, their personalities changed in response. 

The way they interact with other people and with the world changed.

Feeling unseen changes you. You may live years of your life in this state of “unique distress,” being judged for the person others believe you to be.

It doesn’t have to be like that.

From my personal experience and from working with lots of women who came to me feeling this way…. It’s amazing how quickly that black cloud is lifted once you make a few small changes and start giving to yourself in certain ways.

I’m not saying that losing 20 lbs will change everything.

I’m saying that just starting the journey with clear purpose and direction can change everything. 

The transition from floundering around without a plan to getting on track – a track that you know will get you where you want to be – is what changes you, and allows the real you that’s been tucked away to come back out and shine for the world to see!